This Past Year

Another school year has ended...

And this as the years before I have learned many things
Nothing in life is simple
we should all know that by now
But for me everything is hard

Next year there I will be attending my senior year
also it will be my final year
Before I can enjoy true freedom from school
I must first focus on the final exam next year

This exam will be the one that will
decide my future
So I can no longer play around
I must make sure I am ready
but right now I feel like a stupid Bastard
I haven't been serious this past year

I don't know what to do...
I want to study this school holiday
It just I can't focus
I don't even know why I am learning
so many meaningless things
In my future will I use the knowledge I have learn
and the knowledge I am about to learn?

Someone once told me
"It is useless learning about the things that you're
not gonna use in the future.
Remember this world is only for awhile,
So why waste your time learning about the things your not gonna use?
What will you obtain with nothing?
Think about it..."

That person said those words to me exactly one year before
It took me at least a month to find my answer
and I thought I found it when I first entered my new school
but as time passed I knew I had pick the wrong answer
I don't regret my choice

Why?
Because I met someone this year
She is all I ever think about right now
She gave me strength to keep moving and look towards the future
We are very close friends right now
And now I longer get to see her...
I only see her at school
but it has ended already.
I don't even know if we'll attend the same school next year
She told me to think positive
So I will try
I thank you my most precious friend
for always being there when I need you

Though she is quite popular among the guys at our school
and also has many admirers
she is kind to all
and I know she sometime suffers the same pain I do
she will always stay true and pure to those around her

Unlike me I am a Damned Bastard
who knows nothing but failure
That is why I'll never be fit for her...
Haha... I really am stupid

There is only one thing I want to say to her which is
Aishiteru yo

I will look towards the future now
for my reality is mine alone
only I can shape my own future
My Resolution for the next year is set

I just hope I'll be able to live that long

This ends my letter...

One more chance just until my dreams come true...

Nothing is going the way it should
I hastily subdue these feelings of impatience
All this anxiety and nervousness is sending my heart into disorder
Just a boy hugging his knees in the midst of it all

Shivering and in tears, I repress all my regret
I cried all night, but now it seems dawn is breaking...

So, undoubtedly you're right
Even though right now I may try to turn back
And I keep on being stubborn about it, though I know it's monotonous
I'll start walking again, this time even farther, and I won't give up

I'll keep it all locked away in my heart

Until my dreams come true...

I surrendered myself to a dismal emptiness
in the most critical of times
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite reach
Aiming for the shore
I had to swim for my life

Withstanding the current, I can't even raise my voice
It could have been the end right there, but...

I don't think that love can save everything,
but there's something about your smile
that somehow healed my heart, and in your lips
I found the strength to stand up again

If only I could get just one more chance...

The flow of the river is intense even today
But I won't let go of your hand
I'll believe in the love that's in my heart forever

Until my dreams come true...

I don't think that love can save everything,
but there's something about your smile
that somehow healed my heart, and in your lips
I found the strength to stand up again

If only I could get just one more chance...

The flow of the river is intense even today
But I won't let go of your hand
I'll believe in the love that's in my heart forever

Until my dreams come true...

All I ever Dream

Because of you I'm lying awake at night

All I'm seeing is pictures of you

As I close my eyes

I fade my way into the laws of my dream world

It's a place of trust

Will you meet me there?

There's no time to spare

Come on show me you care

Here we can make anything become real

All of my dreams are all I see

Try not to wake, me can't you see

All of my dreams are all I wanna see

Try not to wake me

Because of you my tries to not think of you

They just end up in one million thoughts

It's way too much to mention

See what I mean, when you see my creation

To the Promised Land

I can meet you there

There's no time to spare

Come on show me you care

What you believe in will here become real

Trapped inside my own dreams

I'm not complaining

Leave behind a lie of any kind

Here it can disappear

My Nightmares

A Reunion

It has been a while since we last met

right?

Well it will all end tomorrow,

Tomorrow will be the day we meet

after almost seven month apart

I hope and pray that all of us

will attend tomorrow's gathering

They told me they wanted to do a pot luck

so that means

everybody must bring something to eat

it doesn't matter how much or

what it is

it the thought that counts right?

Don't know what else to write down on this empty blog

so I guess I'll have to end it here...

Remember tomorrow we meet

make memories

have fun

and

Be ourself...

So until next time

The Pain, Truth, Lies and Nightmare of Shaoran Akumu

Livin my life as normal as it can be

Then one day the PAIN came

I can't do most things a normal

teenager can do...

but that didn't make me to go wrong

It must of happen when I saw my first love

I thought she was an ANGEL

but she was actually a DEMON in disgiuse

it must have been her who made me into a sinnner

After that day I did many sins just to calm myself...

Their were many people that tried to help me

but it was all useless in the end

My life began to feel like a LIE

so I went searching...

What was it that I need?

What was it that I want?

I thought it was entertainment

but it ends too quickly

I thought it was justice

but all hearts no matter how pure must have

a dark spot

Then it came to me it must be love

then I started to search for it

I ended up being backstab

Then my heart fell deeply into the NIGHTMARE

I am trapped in a dark abyss seaching for the light

Now I know what I must be searching for

My TRUTH,

MY HEART

someone has taken it and I must find

A SOULMATE

to help guide me out of oblivion

How will I know?

You might not know me

but, we have met before in my DREAMS

I do not know who you are

What I do know

That our DESTINY is set

and we will meet one day

and then you will say

"Why were we there back-to-back?

Why were we there face-to-face?

I must be the LIGHT

when your in the DARK

If you need me somewhere

and your tears are in the air

I will

RING A BELL

until you feel me by your side"

and now I will be waiting until

I hear the bells.

SHAORAN AKUMU

Desert Rose

Concrete surrounding...
With a single breath
They are freezing my heat
From the scar, I'm suffering
'Cause I'm leaving you, being
punished for my sin

No one lives forever
forever more
I can't stay anymore

I'm a criminal
Falling out of love
Just wanted to know
If you really need me

I'm a criminal
Without a doubt
You've got to show
If you really need me
You're my desert rose...

No lights are coming in...
But it's not the light
Nor the wind I'm missing
Wanna hold you in my arms
But I'm leaving you, being put out of my misery

No one cries forever
forever more
You can't stay anymore
hear my calling

I'm a criminal
Falling out of love
I wonder how
We ended up like this

I'm a criminal
Always on the run
I know I was wrong
Let me love you again
You're my desert rose

I'm a criminal
Falling out of love
Just wanted to know
If you really need me
So please let me love you again

You're my
DESERT ROSE

The begining

Been a while has it not?

This time I will tell a tale of

Love, Hate, Life, and Death

As all stories begin,

Once upon a time,

In a private school in the country of Japan,

a second year student by the name Akumu attended their.

He was a good student that was always in the wrong places.

He was always caught up in comitting sins,

but he didn't do it because he liked

it was because could not express his feeling

towards anyone for no one would listen to him.

He was an orphen that was adopted out of force

by nobles that used him as a decoration,

for they couldn't make a child of their own

Akumu couldn't stand his life with his foster parents

He then attended a private school

to be far from his family

His life worsen sfter that

Everything he said

Everything he did

was all insulted by those around him

He had only one friend

Susano

his dorm mate and most trusted friend

Susano would always support Akumu no matter what the problem was

but, he couldn't stop Akumu from getting into fights

Then tragedy happen

Susano was taken hostage by

a gang Akumu once fought

they blackmailed Akumu into giving them

money in exchange for Susano

they gave him time but

when Akumu arrived at the meeting place

it was to late...

To be continued...

The Truth

Everytime I smile,

Everytime I laugh,

no matter how you look at it,

I look happy

but,

the truth is

It is just another lie...

I am never truly happy with myself and

this life

Is there really a guiding light?

I know not...

I had a problem

that has already effected my life

It has burned all my Hopes,

destroyed my Faith

and sent my Dreams to Oblivion

I need someone or something

to guide me out of

my

Abyss of Flames

I can't survive in this world

Alone

I am just like

"Ash like Snow"

To people I may look like a good person

but in the inside

I am nothing but an insulted sinner

that thinks nothing of this life

They tell me

"Life isn't the begining, but just a mear test

for the true begining

DEATH"

so maybe for me

sixteen years is enough

maybe I might return to god early

so if u want me here

to keep me living

just tell me what to do

The Phantom of Hearts

Shaoran Akumu

The Arcana 0

The Fool

The Pain

It has been a while

since the last we met,

I have change in the a way

I have been feeling alot of pain lately

causing me to do both good deeds and do sins.

There is this person I want to hurt

to torture, to see the pain within her eyes

Yet I need someone to take care of me

to guide me to show me

what is right and what is wrong

I do not know what to do

help me I beg of you

show me the meaning of living

without

trust, hope, guidance and love

I do not know who long I can take this pain

so I bid farewell

to those who know me

for now I will seek

what needs to be seek

before I end

someone once told me

"A far off Dream is like

a scattered Memory,

a scattered Memory is like

a far off dream"

he told me it would help me

if I understand it

so this ends it

I will continue one day

The Phantom of Hearts

Shaoran Akumu

Why...?

I do not understand why must this life be harsh?

why is it cruel?

What have I done to deserve such pain...

It is all so confusing

I just wish that the pain in this heart will vanish

I do not know what to do...



I seek light in the most darkest places

I feel like my life is part of a mosaic piece

trying to find a place to fit



Over here I've learned that the country that

I was raised, is an enemy to my religion

yet I have many trustworthy friends there

unlike here, I feel left out, insulted, and not needed



What must I do...?

I need help

but from who...?

All I can trust right now

is my heart and soul...


... The End ...

PH

Will it continue ?

Kimi no Kioku

Eventhough it was last year we parted

It feels like a lifetime since we last gathered

so I take this chance to tell you all

We may and may not ever meet again

because our return to god will come

at any day any night any time

I feel like it will be forever until we meet again

so right now why don't we focus on our studies

than at the end of the year we will

gather together and enjoy ourself

What say you?

The end for now...

PH

The start of a New Begining

This is the new year,
2010
I hope you all had a great year last year
but this year is gonna be greater than ever

Everyone should have already made their resolution this year
and accomplish last years resolution
for me I have never really made a resolution
and I don't plan on making one

Since this is a new year the winds of change are very active
around this time of year
For me the winds of change already
Change my attitude a little
I have become a more silence then I was ever

There is also new things acquired such as
a new school
new friends
new school uniform (I just hope that I don't wear a tie)
new gaming materials
and a new set of memories waiting to be forgotten

I don't know what to write about so I'll just end it here for now
Have a very good year this year and happy holidays and school days